Infidelity is as old as relationships themselves. Still, this ultimate breach of trust and safety in a relationship cuts deep, shaking the very foundation of a partnership. It's a delicate issue that many couples deal with, leaving them feeling trapped in resentment, hurt, and uncertain about the future.

Understanding the Impact of Infidelity

In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), adult love is seen as an attachment bond. The emotional aftermath of infidelity hits both partners hard, plunging them into a cyclone of betrayal, pain, and mistrust. When you’re injured by infidelity, you may go through a range of intense reactions, from the fiery pangs of rage to the numbing depths of sadness, confusion, and a deep sense of betrayal, day after day.

You may feel disorientated and devastated as your trust and safety have been shattered to pieces. You might start to see your relationship less as a safe and happy place and more as a source of danger. You may start questioning your own self-worth, wondering about the genuineness and legitimacy of your relationship.

An injured partner often experiences a profound sense of loss – loss of love, security, happiness, certainty; you name it. Wrath and bitterness are typical and expected, but if these feelings last long, they can become harmful. As Dr. Sue Johnson suggests, this emotional turmoil is a trauma; so it takes time, understanding, and open communication to get through the healing process.

Affairs destroy much more than just the relationship between two people. Infidelity leads to the erosion of trust, self-worth, and a sense of safety. It affects children and all other parties involved. If you discover that your partner has cheated on you, you might doubt everything you believed to be true, feeling wounded, abandoned, and enraged. Infidelity can create betrayal trauma because someone you deeply trusted did something that profoundly betrayed your trust.

After an affair, the unfaithful partner may dwell on their motives for seeking a connection outside the marriage. If this is you, you may turn to someone else because you can’t find ways to communicate with and connect with your partner. Maybe it’s your constant arguments, different viewpoints, and beliefs. Or it’s lingering hurt from past trauma that pushes you to seek connection and love elsewhere because you don’t know how to reach for your partner. You may feel lonely, insecure, and lost. After disclosing an affair, you may feel stressed, guilty, ashamed, and anxious. You may experience remorse and fear of the consequences, such as losing your spouse, family, and all you've achieved together thus far. You may be confused, still having feelings for an extramarital lover, yet wanting to end the affair and save your marriage.

The Role of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)

Yes, healing from an affair is possible! Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) has a scientific understanding of relationships, with a map to help you heal your relationship. In fact, years following couples counselling for infidelity, many couples report feeling closer than they ever had. Dr. Sue Johnson’s research found that an effective apology and healing require the couple to really open up to each other, explore the reasons that have led to an affair, and talk about their pain honestly. This can help create new levels of trust and deeper bonding.

However, staying committed and faithful in a long-term relationship is possible. How to protect your relationship from affairs? By building open, honest communication with each other. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) helps couples in distress connect and experience each other as a source of safety. In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), you will learn how to talk openly about your needs, fears, and hurts so that you build a secure, loving bond that will affair-proof your marriage.

Creating a Space for Healing

How to heal as a couple? According to Dr. Sue Johnson, people start to seek extramarital affairs not because they are unhappy with the sex but because their relationships are painful.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) after infidelity provides a space where both partners feel safe and free from judgment. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) will foster open communication and empathy, ensuring that both of you feel heard and understood. Your Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist (EFCT) will use techniques like restructuring negative interaction patterns and encouraging heartfelt emotional expression, helping you find your way back to each other amidst the turmoil.

Rebuilding Trust and Connection

The aftermath of infidelity is painful and ugly, but facing it together can help you start rebuilding trust and connection. It is a slow process, but possible. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) will guide you to understand and mend the deep attachment wounds that betrayal leaves behind, paving the way for vulnerability and safety. The Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist (EFCT) will encourage this open-hearted exchange, where sharing and listening can transform into powerful acts of forgiveness and healing.

Developing Healthy Relationship Patterns

Finding a way to recover in such chaos can be difficult. But it is doable. According to Dr. Sue Johnson’s research, 65% of the couples who survived infidelity that destroyed safety and trust were able to heal. Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFCT) can help you reach new levels of understanding, forgiveness, closeness, and happiness.

As a couple, you have a better chance of healing if you can talk openly and honestly about the circumstances leading to an affair. For example, your relationship may have changed over time, lacking true connection or intimacy, possibly making one partner look for a connection outside of the relationship. When both partners can address this change, talking about how hurt they were, with the hurt partner being able to say how they feel and the other partner genuinely acknowledging and caring about that pain, it sets the stage for a sincere apology.

If you can have these kinds of conversations, it changes a relationship by building trust and understanding at a deeper level. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) makes it clear that it is possible to heal infidelity and lies if both partners are willing to openly talk about it and accept their share of responsibility.

Conclusion

Emotionally focused therapy for couples is an important ally for couples dealing with the effects of infidelity because it helps them understand, heal, and strengthen their emotional bond, helping them achieve lasting resilience and intimacy.

If you want to address the impact of infidelity on your relationship in a safe, supportive space, contact us to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.

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Couples Counselling in Olds, Alberta

At Williamson & Associates Counselling in Olds, Alberta, our couples counsellors are trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT), and Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT). Our counsellors offer in-person individual, family or couples counselling at our Olds, Alberta location, or online individual, family or couples counselling to anyone in the province of Alberta. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT), and Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) can help you feel connected and emotionally safe in your marriage, family and relationships. Reach out today to book your free phone consultation here with one of our amazing individual, couples and family counsellors for financial stress in your relationships.

Navigating Infidelity: How Therapy Can Help Couples Heal with EFT

Understanding the Impact of Infidelity